Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
