last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
