i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
