I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
