it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
