: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
