How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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