I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
