So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
