and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
