8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want her autograph on my taint
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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