he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just pee around me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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