We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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