well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
