im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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