:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
