dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
