And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
