Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
