I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
