i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
