There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
