dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
