Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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