end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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