Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
