So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize