oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
