Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
