Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize