i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
