Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
