How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
