Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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