Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He shit in the fireplace
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
