Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
