she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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