I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This toilet bowl is my home.
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