I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
