is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
