he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
