you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the day after is always just damage control
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
