I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
