Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
