So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
