I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
