My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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