I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize