Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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