anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
