I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the condom got lost in my hair
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's get the cat blown out
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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