I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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