If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
