don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
