are you still at the devil's house?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
