he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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