I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize