wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
