i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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