Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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