I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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