you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
