I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
