Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
