I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you will always have a special place in my vag
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
40s are totally the cure
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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