If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What drink are we having for lunch?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
