that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
