She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
