Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
