I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
