sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Damn victory sex feels great
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
