i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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