please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
