Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The uberlube is also flammable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
